So at this point I have pretty much explained my experience up to date. There are a few recent changes though.
I was on 100mg of Lamictal for about 4 months and last month it was increased to 200mg. At this point I’m not even sure if it’s working or not. I have my really good days, really mediocre days, and really bad days. We increased the Lamictal to 200mg mostly because how I get right before my period. I go into a major depressive episode and it’s really been impeding me in day-to-day activities. The increase has definitely helped me with this, but the other days throughout the month have just been odd.
Mostly what’s been happening is that I wake up extremely irritated/upset. It’s been at least once a week. I think the main reason is because I’m having nightmares/bad dreams/stress dreams. These actually started when I first began taking the Lamictal back in January. I told the psychiatrist and my therapist. They both told me that it is not a side effect of Lamictal, and pretty much that it is just me. When I first noticed and brought this to their attention I had a lot of stress I was dealing with. My parents were renewing their vows for their 30yr anniversary and I was planning an entire wedding for 100 people all by myself. Mind you I was taking 3 graduate classes and 2 classes to become a BCBA. When I’m under a lot of stress I do get nightmares and bad dreams, but these new ones are different. They’re extremely vivid and I wake up almost in a rage.
I’ve done a lot of looking around online and I’ve seen a few people that wake up in a rage from the Lamictal and I’ve also seen others who are suffering from the vivid bad dreams. When I told my therapist she told me I shouldn’t be looking online because the information can be really inaccurate and I don’t know if they’re telling the truth. I guess I get her point, but I really want to know why this keeps happening.
I’m also to the point of not wanting to change my medication again. I know it’s stupid, but I am tired of the trial and error bullshit. I understand psychotropic medication isn’t an exact science, but I don’t have the patience to keep trying different medicines. I feel like I am at a constant war with myself though. I want to feel better, but then I don’t have the patience, but then the medication seems like it’s working, but then something feels off. I definitely feel somewhat lost, but I am going to tough it out!